Friday's Grief Song, 6.2.23

Foreshadowing the end

How many times have you had an intuition about an ending?

Sometimes we are more prepared for certain endings by virtue of our understanding of them, as in the inevitable cyclical endings of Seasons, or a beloved old person aging until their death.

But what about those endings that don’t feel as cleanly inevitable? The demise of a relationship for example? Doors that keep closing in our search for work or housing or just, trying to make home in a certain place. The ending of an anticipated pregnancy coming to a much too early heartbreaking close.

This is where I see our ability to clue into foreshadowing by way of our dreams and intuitions. I dreamed I had a miscarriage before I did. I dreamed of a lover leaving me for another before he did. Did the foreshadowing told in my dream world help lessen the blows of the grief? Yes and no. Yes in that when these things came true I felt a level of relief. No in that I was already grieving an ending before anyone else knew, and trusting dreams is still not considered “truth” information in dominant north American culture at large. So there can be a deep loneliness in that knowing, in that seeing an ending up on the horizon, that nobody else can see yet…

This week’s song is off another break up album and speaks directly to that moment when the end is foretold, but also that listening and then ignoring that gut feeling…. but if an Ending is on the horizon, the best we can do is honor it by grieving it.

Enjoy this week’s grief song:

I Thought I Knew by folk singer Alela Diane.

Listen to a live version here or the studio recording (both are lovely) or this cover by Scott Avett of the Avett Brothers, that I only discovered while searching for the links to share with y’all here. Purchase the entire album here, at Alela’s website.

I Thought I Knew
Written by: Alela Diane
Album: About Farewell
Released: 2013

It was the last day of the year
It was coming down in sheets
I was sitting on the street
Soaked through from the sleet, I'd had too much to drink

I called you up
And drew you in
I thought I knew
But I was wrong

You came to my town
I showed you around
But everywhere we went reminded me of him
I'd been lying to myself again

I called you up
And drew you in
I thought I knew
But I was wrong

And I took to the sky
With that knowing sinking feeling
I'd only just arrived
But I foresaw the end

So I lay on the couch
Helpless to my blunder
You turned off the lights upon me
And went upstairs alone
You knew that I was gone
You knew I was gone

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